I GAVE MYSELF TIME TO GRIEVE WHEN MY MARRIAGE FAILED...I KNOW STAYING BUSY AND HAVING A FOCUS IS WHAT UNIVERSALLY THERAPISTS TRY TO MOVE PEOPLE TOWARDS IN TRAGIC SITUATIONS, BUT I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT THERE WAS A MOMENT WHEN ALL PROPS FAIL AND I CAN RESUME MY LIFE. I MISS MY MATE, I'M TIRED OF GOING THROUGH MY EXPERIENCES WITHOUT HIM. WE HAD (I THOUGHT) A KIND OF KISMET BUT HE FELL IN LOVE WITH A DOMINICAN HOME WRECKER (MARRIED FOUR TIMES, NOW FIVE). I THOUGHT MY WORLD WOULD FALL APART, BUT I LEARNED SOMETHING ABOUT LOVE...I WROTE ABOUT THREE HUNDRED PAGES OF A DEAR JOHN LETTER AND REALIZED THAT I NEEDED TO LEARN TO LOVE MYSELF...IT TOOK ME ABOUT TWO HUNDRED TO TURN MY SADNESS TO JOY AND MY ANGER TO SOMETHING THAT RESEMBLED A WORKING MODEL OF SELF LOVE. IT'S A STRUGGLE DAILY, I HAD GIVEN UP ON MY DREAMS TO ALLOW HIS, AND MY LIFE WASN'T WORTH ANYTHING WITH HIS, I THOUGHT. I STILL LOVE HIM. I ALWAYS WILL. I DATE AND I THINK OF HIM, I AM NOT READY TO MOVE ON...I GUESS THEE IS A PART OF ME THAT BELIEVES GOD GIVES YOU ONE MATE...ONE CHANCE TO CREATE A HAPPY LOVING MARRIAGE AND THROUGH TIME (TWENTY-FIVE YEARS), RESENTMENT WITH JOB STRESS, CHILD REARING, TRAVEL, JUST ALL OF LIFE'S CURVEBALLS WE HAD MOVED AWAY FROM WHAT WAS IMPORTANT. I HAD GROWN SO CLOSED-OFF I COULDN'T REACH OUT TO HIM AND EXPLAIN MY PAIN, FOR FEAR OF REJECTION. HE MISTAKENLY THOUGHT I HAD GROWN COLD BUT EVERY TIME I GOT READY TO OPEN UP I MADE HIM "PAY " FOR HIS TRANSGRESSION. I GUESS WE COULDN'T WIN ANYWAY. HE LOVES HER, I GUESS. IT MAKES ME SO SAD. THE SADDEST PART REALLY IS THE CHILDREN...HE HASN'T SPOKEN TO THEM EXCEPT IN ANGER FOR FIVE YEARS. THEY HAVE GRADUATED, MOVED, GOTTEN INTO SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS, AND HE HAS CHOSEN TO BE ABSENT. HE MUST BE AN ISLAND. THEY ARE GREAT KIDS, I AM LUCKY THAT THEY TURNED OUT OKAY BECAUSE MOST YOUNG ADULTS THAT LOOSE A PARENT BECOME SCARRED. I'M STILL NOT SURE ABOUT THE YOUNGEST ...SHE SEENS TO SETTLE FOR ANY FORM OF LOVE. PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO GRIEVE...
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