A GIFT IS BUT A GIFT

I WAS THINKING ABOUT GETTING GIFTS. THE ONES RAINED DOWN UPON US, SINGING, SAYING. MAKERS...THAT KIND. SO WHAT IF YOU GET A GIFT, DON'T SHARE IT. WHAT IF YOU HAVE A GIFT BUT HURT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU WHILE YOU SHARE IT. YOU KNOW THE PEOPLE WITH IMMENSE TALENT THAT BELITTLE THEIR HELP, HURT THEIR FAMILY, DICTATE THEIR WORLD. IS IT STILL A GIFT? ARE YOU STILL ALLOWED TO REACH HEAVEN? ASKING FOR ARETHA.

WHAT LOVE ISN'T...

I HAVE TRAVELED DOWN THE ROAD OF LOVE. ALMOST 60 AND I'M SURE I KNOW WHAT IT ISN'T. FOR ME IT IS PAINFUL. IT STINGS. IT'S GONNA HURT A LITTLE AS THEY SAY AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE BUT IT HURTS MUCH MORE. IT IS A SEARING PAIN INSIDE RATHER THEN OUTSIDE YOU. I WEAR MY SCARS. ON MY SKIN IN MY LAYERS OF FAT AND IN MY BROKEN HEART. I REALIZED THAT IF LOVE DOESN'T HURT I CAN'T FEEL. MY STRANGE RELATIONSHIP WITH MY PARENTS..KEEPER OF SECRETS, GIFTS BESTOWED AS HUSH MONEY, SCARS COVERED IN YEARS OF DISBELIEF. TO DATE I AM STILL UNABLE TO DETERMINE IF TRUTH IS TRUE BECAUSE I CANNOT RELY ON MY EYES AND EARS. SO ON I CHOOSE. BROKEN PIECES OF HUMAN WASTE, TRYING TO FEIN SOME SORT OF LOVING LIFE. DESPERATELY HOLDING ONTO A MARRIAGE WITH NO. FORESEEABLE RETURN ON THE VALUE KF WHAT LOVE MIGHT BE. ALWAYS GIVING AND SOMETIMES REWARDED WITH THE SMALL CRUMB OF A SEARING PAINFUL, VALUELESS EPISODE THAT MIGHT LOOK LIKE RECIPROCATED LOVE IF I INDEED KNEW WHAT LOVE LOOKED LIKE. MY MARRIAGE A QUARTER CENTURY OF GIVE. SO I GO. TAKING A DEEP BREATH NOW. I NEED TO LET GO. LET GO OF THE WI DOW DRESSING LOVE. THE FIX EM AND THEY'LL BE BETTER LOVE. THE I AM NOT WORTHY OF LOVE LOVE. I NEED TO DROP MY GUARD AND VALUE MY LIFE. NOT ALPT LEFT SO CHOOSE WISELY WHO GETS THE BROKEN REST OF ME. I CAN'T SAVE MYSELF FROM WANTING TO LOVE. IT'S EXHAUSTING TRYING TO DANCE ON THE HEAD OF A PIN. I WANT MORE THEN ANYTHING TO SEE EHAT IS THERE AND NOT FANTASIZE ABOUT THE WHAT IF'S, THE PROBABLY'S AND THE HEARTBREAK THAT WILL EVENTUALLY HAPPEN BECAUSE TGE ONLY CHOICES I MAKE ARE BROKEN CHINA, TEDDY BEARS, AND PEOPLE. I CAN'T DO WHOLE. WHAT ARE THEY LIKE I ASK? DON'T KNOW. NEVER TRIED IT. MY HUMANS ARE LIKE MY ART & ANTIQUES. BROKEN, GLUED TOGETHER WITH SPIT AND A PROMISE. SOMEDAY PROBABLY IN MY NEXT LIFE I'LL KNOW LOVE. I AM TOO BROKEN IN THIS ONE.

ART CART AND STUFFED UP

GARDEN ROOMS
CONCRETE SCULPTURE
GARDEN GOODIES
ARBORS AND FENCES
ARCHITECTURAL ELEMENTS
POTS AND PLANTS
SHEDS AND BARNS
BIRDHOUSES

REALLY NOTHING SPECIALIZED

ONCE UPON A TIME I THOUGHT I COULD BE SOMETHING SPECIAL. MY FRIENDS SAW POTENTIAL IN ME BUT I AM NOTHING MORE THEN THE USUAL. I HAVE TAKEN MY TALENTS AND SQUANDERED THEM. I HAVE BEEN A WIFE AND MOTHER. I THINK BOTH JOBS I DID WELL. SOMETIMES I THINK WE LOVE WELL AND DREAM. SOMEDAY I NEED. THERE IS A GLASS OF WINE ON THE OTHER END OF THE DRIVEWAY. DON'T SEE ME...I HAVE MISTAKENLY THOUGHT THAT WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. LOVE WILL PREVAIL. FAIRNESS WILL RULE. I AM AWARE THAT THERE ARE EVILS IN THE WORLD THAT SHOW ME THAT I AM COMPLETELY ALONE IN THE WORLD. MY ART, MY THOUGHTS, MY WORLD. THERE US EVIL IN THE WORLD. GREED. ALL OF IT. IT IS DISHEARTENING TO WATCH. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW.  

COMING UP ON CHANGE

/ReALWAYS A CONCERN, LEAVING THE PAST.  IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN'T FIND THE PERFECT PLACE TO LAND.  SO MANY PLACES TO GO.  UNBURDENING MY LIFE IS A PLACE THAT I NEED TO GO.  THE ASSEMBLAGES THAT I MAKE IF YOU LOOK DOWN ON ME AND MY LIFE ARE CONTROLLED RAGE, SPECIFICALLY OUTRAGE.  THIS LIFE AS AN OBSERVER,  HAS BECOME A MOUTHPIECE FOR CHANGE.  THE WORK DESCRIBES THE MULTIPLICITY I OF IMAGES THAT WE ARE SUBJECTED TO.  IT IS A CONTAINER FOR THE JUXTAPOSITION OF IMAGES.  I LOVE DESCRIPTION.   NARRATIVE DESCRIPTION BECOMES A METAPHOR FOR THIwS UNRULY WORLD THAT I HAVE BEEN BORN TO.  IN THIS LIFE THERE ARE ANGRY PEOPLE, PASSIONS RUN STRONG,  WE ARE DIVIDED; NOT UNITED, THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE THAT CAN NOT SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THEIR LIVES.   THE INJUSTICE, THE IRRATIONAL,  THE OUTRAGE.  BURDENS BECOME MORE ABOUT THESE FEELINGS AND NOT THESE ACTIONS.  PERHAPS MY JOB IS MADE FROM MY ABILITY TO PUT THINGS TOGETHER IN WAYS MOST CAN'T CONCEIVE.  HOLDING  ON TO THE MEMORIES, THE SCRAPBOOK HAS BECOME A DECORATIVE ACCESSORY,  THE COLLAGE AND ASSEMBLAGE BECOME A SYMBOL FOR ME, I HOPE THAT THERE IS AN ISSUE OF IMPORTANCE THAT MUST BE DEFINED BY MY HAND.  IF THERE IS AN UPSIDE OF HAVING A CRAZY ARTISTIC MIND, IT IS THE WAY TO ASSIMILATE THE CRAZY THAT EXISTS IN THE WORLD.   WHEN A MEGALOMANIAC AND A CONFIRMED LIAR ARE THE BEST CANDIDATES THIS COUNTRY  CAN PRODUCE , WE ARE OFFICIALLY CROSSING OVER.  TO WHERE, I DON'T KNOW.  I LIKEN IT TO A COMMENT I RECENTLY HEARD...WE GET WHAT WE DESERVE.  WHICH PARALLELS MY THOUGHTS OF; WE ARE PRODUCTS OF THE ENVIRONMENT THAT PRODUCES US.  WHEN I CREATE AN ASSEMBLAGE BASED ON MY REALITY, IT BECOMES THE SYMBOLS OF MY SOCIETY.   I LOVE JUXTAPOSING LIKE TELEVISION, THE HORROR OF AN EVENT ON CNN, WITH A PUPPY CHOW  COMMERCIAL BREAKING UP THE VIOLENCE.  SOMETHING IS WRONG. I AM BECOMING SO APATHETIC TOWARDS LIFE. THINGS DON'T F EEL ANYMORE. THINGS ARE GETTING WORSE IN MY HEAD. I HAVE BECOME INCREASINGLY MORE DESPONDANT AND DEPRESSSED. IS THIS WHAT HAPPENS IN OUR 50S?  I'VE BEEN TRYING TO MAKE ART FROM THE IDEAS. IF I EVER LEARN ANYTHING IT'S FROM MISTAKES. I TRY AND TRY TO MAKE THINGS WORK BUT I AM AN AQUARIAN AND BY DEFINITION I HAVE TO DRIVE THINGS TO THE GROUND. I NEED TO SET MY LIFE ON TRACK. MAKE ART A PRIORITY. MAKE A LIFE BASED ON LOVE, INSTEAD OF FEAR. HOW TO DO IT? JUMP INTO FEAR. VIBRATIONS ARE SET BY MUSIC, LIFE IS TO BE LIVED. VISUAL ACUITY BASED ON ACTUALLY LIVING. WE CAN NEVER RELIVE OUR PAST BUT WE CAN REVISIT IT AND LEARN FROM IT. LET YOUR LIFE TAKE IT WHERE IT WILL. REEVALUATE, REEXAMINE, REFRAME YOUR LIFE. I AM ALWAYS THANKFUL FOR THE OPPORTUNITIES THAT MY PAST HAS OFFERED ME. COLLEGE, THE ABILITY TO RAISE MY CHILDREN MY WAY, AND THE OPPORTUNITY TO TRAVEL, AND TO KNOW WHAT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FEELS LIKE. I THINK THERE HAS BEEN A SHIFT. I AM EASIER TO MOTIVATE, GETTING THINGS DONE INSTEAD OF CIRCLING THE WAGONS. NEED TO GO WITH THIS. HAVE A NEW NOTION...IF YOU HAVE MONEY YOU ARE SUSPICIOUS OF LOVE. IF YOU DON'T YOU ARE SUSPICIOUS OF THE CONNECTION TO MONEY. A BROKE PERSON IS NO MORE IMPORTANT TO HAVING AND HOLDING LOVE, THEN WE ARE ALL. IT SADDENS ME TO THINK THAT WE HAVE SO MUCH TO LOSE IN OUR LIFE. SO IF I AM TO BELIEVE THAT LIFE IS SOMETHING to be lived by all with purpose and drive and love then I think we all need to enjoy and drink in full of love. I have tried to live my life by sharing and caring for those I encounter but sometimes it's hard for me to understand how other people function. People I thought were my friends sometimes let me down.

I HAD A THOUGHT.
IF WE COME DOWN FROM HEAVEN IN A GROUP IN DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIPS TO LEARN DIFFERENT LESSONS THEN MY THOUGHT WAS PERHAPS SOME RELATIONSHIPS ARE SO STRONG THEY RUIN THE STATUS QUO OF THE MUNDANE LIVES THEY CHOSE. FOE EXAMPLE: A LOVE SO STRONG IT RUINS A MARRAGE...LOSING A CHILD TO BE REPLACED BY ANOTHER

IT ACCOUNTS FOR TRAGEDY.
WHICH CAN NEVER BE UNDERSTOOD.
MY FRIENDS MOM'S LOVE LETTERS
MY HUSBAND'S FERVOUR FOR LOVE
MY OWN SADNESS AND THE ANTICIPATION OF UNFOUND LOVE
DETOUR FROM LIFE TO UNDERSTAND IT
PILES NEED TO BE PUT AWAY

LOVING MY LIFE, MY CHILDREN, MY LIFE LIVED HONESTLY, IN HONOR, AND LOVE
TRYING TO FIND THE HUMOR
LIVING LIFE AS A BLESSED HUMAN CAUGHT IN THE VORTEX TO LIFE SPINNING QUICKLY OUT OF CONTROL
UNFOLDING LIFE AS IT OCCURSTRYING TO MAKE

AUCTION ACTION

THERE IS SOMETHING WONDERFUL ABOUT AN AUCTION.  THE PEOPLE. THE STUFF.  THE ACTION.  YOU CAN GET THE KIND OF THRILL THAT GAMBLING BRINGS IF YOU ARE SO INCLINED.   I ALWAYS LOOK FOR SELLABLE ITEMS FOR MY SHOP FIRST.  THINGS THAT I KNOW I CAN MAKE SOME MONEY ON.  IT USED TO BE A THIRD, THIRD, THIRD BUT TIMES HAVE CHANGED,  THE SAVY BUYER CAN GET THINGS AND STUFF FOR THE HEMDELF, SO IF YOU CAN DOUBLE WHAT YOU BUY FOR, OR IF THERE IS A SLEEPER THAT YOU KNOW YOU CAN MAKE SOME MONEY ON, THOSE ARE THE THINGS TO TRY TO PROCURE.   I AM A CHEEPSKATE, SO I HAVE MISSED A LOT OF OPPORTUNITIES FOR MAKING GOOD MONEY...THERE ARE THOSE WHO CONTINUALLY MAKE SMART AND GOOD FINANCIAL DECISIONS.  I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.

FARMHOUSE RULES

●ALWAYS HAVE A LIST READY FOR    HELPERS
●THE LIST ALWAYS CHANGES
●THINGS THAT ARE A PRIORITY USUALLY ARE
●LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS ABOUT PERFECTION
●MAKE A PLAN "B"
●EXPECT A LOT OF THINGS ON THAT PLAN
●LIVE IN IT FOR YEAR BEFORE MAKING MAJOR CHANGES
●MAKE LIVING 5HE DREAM A REALITY BY MAKING IT BECOME A BUSINESS THAT YOU LOVE
●LIVE THE LIFE YOU LOVE