IT SEEMS MY LIFE GET MUDDLED WHEN I RELYING ON FRIENDS. I HAVE ONLY MYSELF TO BLAME. I AM ALWAYS PUTTING MYSELF OUT FOR FRIENDSHIP AND IT SEEMS THAT MAKING LIFE MEANINGFUL DOESN'T QUITE CUT IT. I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT IT FOR AWHILE. MY FRIENDS MY AGE HAVE ALSO DETERMINED THAT EVEN CHILDREARING HAS A POINT WHEN YOU AREN'T OR THAT YOU DIDN'T, COULDN'T DO THE BEST JOB POSSIBLE. I AM BEGINNING TO GET IT. I HAVE FAILED. MY CHILDREN ARE NOT AS WHOLESOME AS I'D LIKE, FLAWED LIKE THEIR MOM AND DAD. WHEN I LOOK AT THE KIDS I WISH I COULD HAVE DONE MORE, TAUGHT THEM TO BE THEIR BEST SELVES. I AM TIRED OF EVERYONE, EVERYTHING INVOLVED IN RELYING ON SOMEONE OTHER THEN ME. DO I SOUND LIKE A BITCH?? MAYBE I SHOULD BE. I HAVE TRIED TO LIVE A GOOD LIFE, I HAVE PUT MYSELF OUT AND I DON'T SEEM TO GET ANYTHING IN RETURN. IF I HAD A NICKEL FOR EVERYTIME SOMEONE DISAPPOINTED ME...I KNOW PEOPLE SAY THAT ALL THE TIME, I AM INDEED ONE OF "THEM". BITTER, OH, YES I AM.
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